I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Randomize