Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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