GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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