I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
