I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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