Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
