Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
