if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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