just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
