The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
