hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
