Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
