We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize