Im at strip club and am horny
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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