from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
