And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
