I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
