Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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