we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
