God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
