You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
