It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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