i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I need water and some morals
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
