2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
