me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
