I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
