i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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