my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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