at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize