I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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