I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
