So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
