With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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