very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
