wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
