I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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