gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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