she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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