she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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