It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
