i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
