I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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