you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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