Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
