I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
