I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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