I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
