i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
