What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
