I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
