you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
