Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
