Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
