either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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