Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's shark week go big or go home
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize