why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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